


Royal Sh*t!

by littlemaple



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Arthur embarasses himself - A lot, Cardverse, M/M, Meeting thru Tinder, Modern Royalty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 18:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemaple/pseuds/littlemaple
Summary: Peasant Arthur meets Prince Alfred on Tinder. But of course it’s just a catfish. Or is it?





	1. Prince Charming Super Liked you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys! As you may already know, this was posted on my Tumblr as a short drabble. However, you guys asked for more and I'm already writing a chapter 2 (which is gonna be longer than the first one)!! And while doing that, I came up with a whooole bunch of other ways in which I can make Arthur embarrass himself, so I decided to turn this into a multi-chaptered fic, LOL
> 
> Stay tuned for funny and fluffy moments, some puns, and Arthur making a fool out of himself in front of his crush, Prince Alfred of Spades! :D

When Arthur saw Prince Alfred on Tinder, he _knew_ it was a catfish — what else could it be, after all? Prince Alfred was a member of the Royal Family, for Christ’s sake, he wouldn’t be on _Tinder_. Arthur was one of these fans of the Royal Family who were basically a walking encyclopedia; he got that from his grandmother, and he used to hide that from people, that is…  It was just a hobby, like those people who liked actors and singers and stuff. So, yes, he knew it was a catfish, but he liked the profile anyway, laughing with himself.

There was a match and Arthur laughed even more.

Finding the whole situation amusing, he messaged the profile, ignoring the prince-factor and acting as if it was just another potential hook-up, just to see where it’d go. And it went smutty really quickly. It was funny to sext the allegedly Prince Alfred. Actually, it wasn’t _funny_. It was more on the _sexy_ side. Arthur had always had a little bit of a crush on the guy, so he was having fun saying all those dirty things to someone pretending to be him. It was like role-playing, he thought. It went on for quite a while. Arthur never sent photos or personal information, and it felt weird that the guy hadn’t asked for any of those yet. They just sexted, talked about things (the person on the other side seemed to know a lot about the prince because never once he said anything “out of character”), and told jokes… it was nice.

Too nice, actually. Soon enough it stopped being fun, because Arthur was starting to really like the person on the other end of the conversation, and he decided he couldn’t keep that up anymore. It was better to stop before he got hurt.

One evening, he sent a message to “prince” Alfred requesting they made a video call. “We’ve been talking for awhile, don’t you think it’s time we actually see each other?” he sent, with a winking face, pretending he didn’t _know_ it was all a catfish situation.

He knew there wouldn’t be an answer, but it still kind of hurt a little bit when none came. Four hours, then six, and nothing.

Then his phone ringed with an incoming video call. Arthur was speechless. He thought it was really bold for the catfish to accept the request like that, but he admired the person’s courage, and he was curious to see what they looked like, so he accepted the call.

He could’ve dropped dead when the person grinned on the phone, cheeks pink, waving awkwardly. Because it was actually bloody fucking Prince Alfred. There was no mistaking those light blue eyes, that sunny smile, that golden hair.

He was saying, “Hello. You’re right, it’s time we meet… I was just a bit unsure, you see, because…”

Arthur didn’t drop dead, but he sure as hell dropped his phone.

 _It’s Prince Alfred. What the fuck, it’s prince Alfred!_ He internally screamed, picking up his phone with shaky fingers. The phone was intact, but in his nervousness, he ended the call.

 _Holy shit,_ he thought, trying to open the app to message _Prince-bloody-Alfred_.

His fingers hovered the keyboard, then typed, _I dropped my phone_.

Prince Alfred typed back, _LOL sorry? Was it my fault?_

 _Yes_ , Arthur typed back, gulping, _I can’t believe this. Royal shit_.

Arthur only noticed the typo once his phone was vibrating nonstop with a bunch of incoming messages of laughter, and he didn’t have time at all to correct it before the next message came: _God, I love your sense of humor. There’s so much I need to talk to you about. Let’s go grab a bite tonight? ;)_

And by then, he didn’t want to correct the typo at all. In fact, he thanked his trembling fingers for the mistake and accepted the invitation.

He’d have a date with Prince Alfred, and he couldn’t even begin to understand how, or what even was happening. All he could think of was the fact that he had been _sexting the fucking prince_. And honestly, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud of it.


	2. Just like the movies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again! :D

****It was completely surreal, but there Arthur was — with nobody other than Prince Alfred himself, on a bloody date. Not in his wildest dreams would Arthur have pictured such a scene.

That is, his wildest fantasies had gone over and  _beyond_  dates, obviously, and well, if he was being honest, his fanboy side  _had_  pictured himself going out with Prince Alfred in fancy dates, too — a walk in the castle gardens, a dance on the ballroom Arthur always saw on TV, a dinner at one of the finest Spadian restaurants, the ones Arthur didn’t even dare walk in front of, fearing they would charge him for breathing the same air as the nobles there…

But  _that_ , there, a  _real_  date, in real life…

… With prince Alfred wearing a cap and a hoodie and sunglasses as they walked down the street carrying takeaway food in a plastic bag…  _That_  Arthur could _never_ have predicted.

“I’m really sorry,” Alfred was saying again, “I can’t believe my car broke down just today, of all days,” he sighed, “I was really planning on taking you to this nice restaurant just outside of the city…”

“We could still go to some other restaurant around here…” Arthur answered awkwardly.

“Nah, someone would definitely recognize me and it would be  _chaos_ ,” he sighed, walking close to Arthur and looking down most of the time, avoiding looking at anyone who walked by them. It was so different from the confident person Arthur always saw on the TV… Only thinking that made Arthur flush.

“Wouldn’t people be more prone to recognizing you outside of town as well, though?” Arthur asked, curious, eyeing Alfred.

Alfred shrugged, then pointed to something ahead of them. Arthur looked up and right away saw a posted of the Royal siblings, all smiling back at him from a huge outdoor ad. There was Alfred in the middle, chuckling at something, and his twin sister, Amelia, grinning, and their older brother, Matthew, smiling sweetly. They were wearing casual outfits from a popular clothing store, and there was a line saying “ _Dress like royalty_ ” on the bottom below the store name. Arthur blushed thinking he had bought the same jacket Alfred was wearing in the ad.

Alfred explained:

“My face is everywhere around here. There are less outdoor ads and stuff like that outside the city. So when we’re out there it’s less probable someone’s gonna look up from their plate, see my face outside, look around and immediately recognize me, you know?”

Arthur nodded, “I see.”

“That’s why I asked to go to your place… there’s paparazzi camping outside my building so we can’t go there either,” he sighed, “I promise I’ll take you somewhere nice for our next date.”

Arthur felt his heart jumping in his chest.  _Next date_. Would there be a next date? Would Arthur survive the first one?

He nodded again, looking straight ahead. He couldn’t relax thinking he was taking Prince Alfred to his apartment. Holy shit. Fuck. Had he made his bed? How long had it been since he cleaned his shelves? Were there dishes on the sink? Oh god. There was a lot of dirty laundry in his bathroom, wasn’t there. That was a terrible, awful, bad, terribly bad idea. Was it too late now to come up with an excuse and not bring Alfred over? What could he say? What could…

“We’re here…” Arthur said quietly, gulping an embarrassed sigh away.

They were in front of an old, ten stories tall building. From across the street, two drunk guys were singing loudly and attracting a lot of glares. A lady was yelling at them from a second-floor window, and Arthur hurriedly opened the door for Alfred, not wanting to see his reaction to that.  _Oh, god, what must he be thinking of me and of the place I live. Oh my god_ , he was thinking. However, Alfred was smiling and said “Sweet!” when Arthur opened the door for him.

At the small lobby, the janitor greeted Arthur with a smile.

“Good evening, Mr. Arthur! I have here a package that someone left for Miss Francine, can I hand it to you?”

“Oh. Yes. Thank you, Mr. Johnson,” Arthur smiled politely, taking the small package and holding it under his arm.

Alfred greeted the janitor with a wave and a happy, “Good evening, sir!” that was promptly answered in the same tone.

Arthur turned towards the elevator and winced at the “out of order” handwritten note taped at the door.  _Oh, great, it was working just this afternoon!_ he thought, then he considered himself lucky for not being the poor bastard trapped inside the elevator this time. What if it had been him  _and_  Alfred trapped there?  _He’d probably never look at me ever again_ , he concluded, making a turn to the stairs.

“This way,” he informed Alfred.

“We’re taking the stairs?”

“Yes. Sorry about that,” Arthur looked down, nervous.

“Hey, no sweat! In which floor do you live?” Alfred asked with a smile, taking off his sunglasses. His baby blue eyes looked happy and curious, and Arthur flushed again.

“... Sixth.”

“Oh. Well, no problem! I skipped the gym today so this will be a nice exercise!” Alfred smiled, obviously trying to make the best out of a bad situation, and Arthur could only smile awkwardly, taking the lead.

They walked for a bit in silence before Alfred spoke again.

“So,” he said, “Francine.”

“Oh. It’s my roommate,” Arthur answered.

Alfred hummed.

“You never mentioned a roommate,” he said.

If Arthur didn’t know better, he’d guess Alfred was sounding a little bit jealous.

“Well, I thought you were catfishing me, so I wasn’t going to give you any personal information,” he answered honestly, and it made Alfred laugh. He had a very charming laughter. It filled Arthur’s chest with a warm feeling.

“That’s fair,” Alfred agreed. “Ah, I’m curious to learn all sorts of thing about you…” he commented, making Arthur almost miss a step. He wished he could say the same, but he already  _knew_  most things there were to be known about Alfred. He was, Arthur reminded himself yet again,  _the Prince_!

When they finally reached Arthur’s floor, Arthur stopped for a second to take a deep breath, looking towards Alfred and noticing that, despite his pinky cheeks, he didn’t seem at all bothered by climbing so many steps.

“This was nice,” he said with a nod.

“What, the stairs? Really?” Arthur couldn’t help but ask, eyebrows raised.

“Well, yeah. I mean…” Alfred shrugged, looking away, “You were walking in front of me so… it was a nice view,” he laughed it off.

Arthur gaped, dropping his keys and Francine’s package. Oh, god.  _Oh, god I hope it wasn’t anything delicate_.

“O-oh, uh… thank you…” he mumbled. His body felt really, really hot. And he felt stupid because until recently he had been saying all sorts of dirty things to Alfred on the chat box as well. And now he couldn’t even look at him in the eye without blushing and feeling like a mess. Realizing this, of course, only made him feel even more self-conscious. He felt like he could explode.

Desperately looking for something to do, he bent down to pick the package and his keys, but Alfred had done the same, and their fingers touched when they both reached for the package. Alfred smiled: perfectly aligned white teeth, pinky cheeks, sparkly eyes, messy hair. His smile knocked the air out of Arthur’s lungs, and he sighed, looking away quickly. His legs felt wobbly. He felt ridiculous.

“You ok?” Alfred checked, tilting his head slightly to the side. Arthur nodded profusely.

“Just…”  _I feel stupid being around you because you’re royalty and I’m nobody and I don’t know what to do_ , “Yeah, I’m good. Let’s, uh, come on in,” he said.

Opening the apartment door, they were greeted by a meowing fat white cat. It came rushing towards Arthur, pressing his furry little face against his legs.

“ _Oh my god,_  you have a cat! It’s so fluffy! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cat this big!” Alfred shouted happily, immediately squatting to better look at the cat.

It was adorable.

“He’s Francine’s. But he likes me because I might… overfeed him sometimes… so…” Arthur explained with a guilty smile, “I just can’t resist… Oh, don’t pet…”

Alfred yelped in pain.

“... him. He’s… Pillowfight doesn’t like pets. Oh, god. I should’ve said his name first, shouldn’t I? It’s a warning. He’s mean. Holy—Are you okay?” Arthur mumbled nervously.

“I’m okay, don’t worry! He clawed me, the cute demon, but it’s no big deal…” Alfred said in a reassuring tone, but when he turned around, Arthur gasped.

“There’s  _blood_  on your cheek!” he squeaked, feeling like he could faint. That was it. That was the worst possible dream date he could have had. And he was probably going to be sued, wasn’t he? Pillowfight meowed innocently, as if he hadn’t just attacked a member of the Royal family. Arthur eyed him in defeat. He was sure the date was over by then, but he at least hoped Alfred wouldn’t get a scar on his cheek to despise Arthur for. He wanted to question the universe if that could get any worse, but he didn’t want to risk getting the Prince killed or something, so instead, he just told Alfred to sit down as he got a first-aid kit. He ran to the bathroom, tripped on a rug, almost fell, and missed the doorknob when he finally reached the door.

He heard Alfred laugh quietly.

Arthur wanted to dig a hole and hide in there until the inevitable end of times, but, well, at least Alfred didn’t sound like he’d be suing Arthur or sending the Royal Army after him or anything, so… yay?

Arthur wondered how had things gone south so fast and so disastrously.  _This is all because I didn’t help that old lady cross the street last week, isn’t it_ , he concluded.  _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I overdo it? LOL 
> 
> Did their date really end there? What does Alfred have to say about all this? CAN things get even worse, or will they get better? Stay tuned for the next chapter! ;D
> 
>  
> 
> And while you wait for it, please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Comments are always welcome! <3


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